Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places
Alcohol is not your friend. Alcohol is not your lover. One or both of these phrases, I will almost always tell my clients because for many, that is what alcohol falsely becomes.
Almost everyone has the memories of the 'glory years' when you were out with friends, drinking, laughing and having a great time. When you were a part of a group and belonged, when you were carefree and spontaneous. Crazy times, fun times, invincible times. Living without a care in the world, drinking with people who you loved, who loved you and who had your back. Great memories with friends and young lovers in the height of bliss and perfection.
The associations get formed:
Alcohol = fun. Alcohol = belonging. Alcohol = love.
What a dangerous cocktail of beliefs this is.
Fast forward to present times when responsibilities abound, cracks in relationships are showing, work pressures are rising, financial strain is mounting and the wishful thinking of reliving the 'best' years begins, when things were simple and more fun.
You'd love to get the 'group' back but you can't because everyone has moved on with their lives. Bobby lives overseas, Kylie and Johny don't speak anymore and Claire's busy with three young kids. You remember the crazy drunken nights, how great it was being in love, running a muck with friends, partying and pulling all nighters, but that was then and this is now.
Now that you're older, you're busy with responsibilities. You're heart just isn't as light as it used to be. Maybe you're more isolated and deprived of one of the most basic human needs, connection, especially in todays current climate of Covid induced isolation.
So all these years later, you're searching for happiness, for connection, for love, to be wanted, to feel needed or to feel important and on an unconscious level you reach for a drink of alcohol. 'Alcohol will fix it. Remember, you're happy when you drink. You fit in when you drink. You are loved when you drink' but really, you're looking for love in all the wrong places.
These beliefs and associations need to be broken in order to rebuild a healthy relationship with alcohol. You need to put the love back where it truly belongs - to the friends of yesteryear, to the people who made you feel safe and loved and wanted.
You also need to learn to reconnect again. For some people, that's opening up their heart again, reaching out to new people, forming new bonds and friendships. It's being courageous. It's addressing the real emotional needs that are calling to be dealt with so that alcohol takes its appropriate place in your life again.